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How To Deal With Other People’s Energy

by jenny sansouci on August 10, 2014

“Everybody that’s existing got a mind of their own, we’re all kings and queens with a throne of our own.”

Matisyahu + Akon, “One Day”

My dad once said to me, “Jen,” (he’s one of the only people who calls me Jen :) ), “You have to remember that everyone is the main character in their own novel. Everyone’s the star of their own story, the rest of the people in their lives are just supporting characters.”

The truth is, like my dad said — everyone is coming from their own unique perspective based on their history, their beliefs, stories, past relationships, view of the world…etc. Everyone is like a unique recipe. Nobody’s recipe is the same, nobody has the exact same perspective, and we can’t expect that everyone will react to a situation the same exact way that we do…but rarely do we actually take that into consideration when someone else’s energy is affecting us.

Relationships are truly our greatest teachers, as it’s almost impossible not to be affected by the energy of the people closest to us on a daily basis.

I’ll be the first to admit — I have a hard time when people around me are in a bad mood. It makes me really uncomfortable. I always want to fix it and I often take it personally, even when it’s clearly not about me (usually it’s not about us, after all). I often find myself wanting to troubleshoot someone else’s energy state, rustling around in my personal toolbox for something that can repair them and make them happy again. Sometimes people want that kind of help, but other times it’s a losing game and I just end up suffering too.

This is something I’m seriously, actively working on.

The other day I was listening to Deepak Chopra and Gabby Bernstein’s Global Meditation For Peace. Deepak said:

“Don’t tell people not to be angry.
You’ll make them more angry.
Just be in a state of peace, harmony and love.”

I loved that line. The most important thing when you’re dealing with someone else’s negative energy is just to stay grounded in peace and love and be a good power of example. Eventually your positive energy will calm and diffuse any negativity (or, alternatively, you can remove yourself from the situation).

Gabby taught me to repeat the mantra “peace begins with me” in my head anytime I’m in a situation with someone that doesn’t feel so peaceful. It’s incredibly helpful for staying in a peaceful mindset no matter who you’re with.

Detaching yourself from the situation, giving the person space, and not taking it personally are probably the best remedies out there…this can often be the most difficult thing to do if you’re a “fixer” type of person like I am.

Just being there for someone, without saying anything can also be incredibly powerful way to transform the energy of the situation and allow someone to work through it on their own. In Landmark, they call this “listening/saying nothing.”

One time I was up at the Omega Institute and I got a reiki healing session. The girl working on me said, “you soak up other people’s energy like a sponge.” It can be difficult for me to stay grounded in my own happiness and optimism when someone around me is feeling upset, anxious, depressed, etc. She told me to do a grounding meditation whenever I was around someone whose energy was affecting me. It went a little something like this. Feel free to improvise, I’m only repeating this based on my memory of it.

Grounding meditation

Close your eyes and breathe deeply.
Picture yourself as a tree, with strong roots deep in the ground.
Picture the other person’s energy as the breeze blowing through your branches, but remember that your roots are grounded and strong. These roots are your truth, your own grounded energy.
Stand strong, knowing that your roots go deep into the earth and you can draw energy from it without being blown away by another person’s energy field.

You can also get a pyrite stone, very good for grounding yourself. Here’s mine. (I got it at a little shop in Portland, Oregon, but I’m sure you can find similar ones online).

pyrite

Remember, this life isn’t permanent and we only have so much time with these people on this earth in this lifetime. So let’s be the light. Not always easy, but worth it!

More on this topic below. Because relationships make up our entire lives and we gotta learn to play nice in order to survive. We need each other!

Related Posts:

Loving People Anyway

How To Handle Other People’s Opinions

Meditating with Sharon Salzberg

 

“When you love one another, only good rain comes down.” –Trevor Hall




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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Amelia August 10, 2014 at 7:00 pm

This is incredible! It’s come at such a perfect time to be reading this. It has put me in a really good headspace and many elements of this post made me smile! Thank you so much for putting so much effort into all your work and writings! I am a massive fan and you just make me so happy to read these from this blog site:) thank you times 1000 you are truly special

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jenny sansouci August 11, 2014 at 1:09 pm

Thanks Amelia! Really glad you found it helpful. :) Thanks so much for the kind words. You rock. xx

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Amelia August 11, 2014 at 5:58 pm

Anytime! I love any of the stuff you write or post,
So great to see such effort put into wellness and health and happiness

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Deidre Caldwell August 10, 2014 at 7:47 pm

Thank you for sharing this article!! I have a hard time with this issue and have to spend a lot of time to shift back into my authentic emotions after being around someone who is having a bad day. This happens when I see negative things in social media and in the news as well. It is ironic because I put a lot of effort into not letting outside conditions effect my inner happiness. A major task for us emotional sponges :) So thanks again, I will put these practices to use ♡

Reply

jenny sansouci August 11, 2014 at 1:09 pm

Glad you found it helpful, Deidre…I totally know what you mean! It’s an hour-by-hour practice. :)

Reply

Cyndi August 13, 2014 at 12:16 am

Perfect timing to read this! Thank you. I love the idea of having strong roots like a tree and letting that breeze just blow through.

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